On Monday, President Obama promised economic relief this summer by feeding federal money into hundreds of public works, in hopes to create or save 600,000 jobs by the end of the summer.
Well I’m here to announce that we have our first real taste of relief – but it’s not from the government.
Apple announced Monday that it was lowering the price of the 8GB iPhone 3G to $99, countering critics of the company for having too high of prices, and encouraging more consumers to buy the phone.
Yes! Now we can all buy iPhones!
But wait. The President is a busy man, and keeping in constant contact with his cabinet members has got to be an important aspect of the job. So, maybe he should get an iPhone.
After being elected President of the United States, Obama had to give up his Blackberry, but after a struggle with the Secret Service, he was granted his device back – installed of course with software from the U.S. Government to keep him safe.
But what kind of Blackberry “butt-dials” as the commercial calls it, does he make with that?
Is he calling his mother-in-law during briefings on Iraq and Afghanistan? That would make interesting dinner conversation.
“Barack, how’d your meetings go today?”
“Everything went fine. No major concerns to worry about, so we’re all feeling pretty good.”
“That’s not what Gates told you. Michelle, did you know that Al Qaeda is stronger than ever, and your husband wants to go to Afghanistan? You know, you really need to listen to that Defense Secretary of yours. He’s such a nice man.”
“Well, there’s a lot of talk back and forth going on.”
“Look, Barack. I care too much about my granddaughters to take this lightly. Are you taking this seriously?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Good. Now take your elbows off the table. It’s rude.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I hope the government-issued software comes with a butt-dial proof application. We don’t need a stressed-out President. His mother-in-law already lives with him. Let’s not make it worse.
That’s why Obama should buy an iPhone. He knows his way around iTunes, having done his own podcast as a Senator. He could even have applications made specifically for him.
Foreign Policy Concerns? Ask the “Culture Vulture” application. This app could tell him exactly what are the important cultural nuisances in each country he’ll soon be visiting.
Don’t know what to make for dinner? Use the “o-BAM-a” application featuring Emeril where he goes step by step on how to cook Obama’s favorite recipes, all while staying incredibly annoying.
VP got his foot in his mouth again? Use the “Biden Foot Retriever” app. Just put the iPhone in the Vice President’s mouth to jar the foot loose, and then type in what he said that got his foot in there in the first place. The app will then produce better ways to say the same thing.
The possibilities are endless.
Imagine all the AT&T executives salivating at the possibility of Obama buying an iPhone. They could make millions.
“Obama uses it, and yes, you can too!”
“Together with President Obama, Yes We Can…get the best possible coverage worldwide through our AT&T service.
“AT&T can. Verizon McCain’t.”
OK, maybe I don’t want him to buy an iPhone. I don’t think I could handle the campaign reminiscent, cliché ridden commercials that would surely follow.
Do you think Obama would get be forced to pay roaming charges for making calls to Ahmadinejad in Iran or Castro in Cuba about peace talks? And how would AT&T explain the charges to the public?
“AT&T loves peace and prosperity, but the dude’s calling all over the place. We can’t keep up with that. I mean, come on.”
The President’s cell phone isn’t really a topic you’ll see in the news media, because, well, it’s not important. The news media only covers topics of actual concern and has much more important things to report.
Like Britney Spears.
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