Code of Umbrella Etiquette

As I drudge through most days, sometimes the only thing that gets me through it all is to think. Although that might sound academic, my thoughts typically tend to get exhausted on a myriad of different topics, skewing more toward the random and philosophical side. One question continues to pop back up in my head from time to time and it's time to address it.

What's the etiquette for carrying an umbrella in a busy area?

To better demonstrate the question, let me pose a scenario. You are walking west on a sidewalk holding onto your umbrella, and doing your best not to bumb anyone near you with the pool of water surely sitting at the top. Now all of a sudden, you see another umbrella in the distance coming toward you. Let's assume this person is approximately the same dimensions (height, weight, etc.) as you. The question now becomes, "Is it my responsibility to raise or lower the height of my umbrella?"

No one truly knows the answer because there has never been an established "code of umbrella etiquette." And why hasn't there? I feel it is something that is long overdue, and I feel personally responsible for coming up with a prototype. Feel free to edit my thoughts on this one.

Rule #1: Offer to lower yours early, before the other person does. This way you can avoid getting bumped by an incoming umbrella and getting wet, as you hold yours up in the air. It's shows the other person you care to not bump into them, and it protects you in the case of an incident.

Rule #2: Raise yours slightly if an approaching umbrella lowers. This shows you get the message, and says you are willing to comply.

*Rules 1 and 2 apply only if the approaching umbrella is approximately the same height as yours, and a bump of the two is inevitable.

Rule #3: Don't intentionally bump someone, or even worse, don't ignore the upcoming sitaution and allow a bump to occur. This is pretty much common sense, but if it's not included, many people will break this rule.

Rule #4: Avoid spinning your umbrella when it's still wet. Sure, umbrella spinning is one of the great pastimes of American life, but when a wet umbrella is spun, it causes a spinning spiral of hydro death to all those nearby.

Rule #5: If your umbrella folds inside out in the wind, don't act like it didn't happen. Laugh. Everyone around you saw it anyway. These things happen, but so many times I see people try to play it off like nothing happened. It's funny, so laugh.

Rule #6: Don't create a wait at the door of a building because we have to wait for you to fold your umbrella back together. Either move to the side of do it inside. Lightning will not strike you dead if you open an umbrella inside.

Rule #7: If you don't have an umbrella, have fun in the rain. The rain can be very therapeutic and if you're too worried about getting wet, you shouldn't have worn that suede jacket outside anyway.

With these rules in place, awkward and confusing situations regarding umbrella usage could be eliminated and people would be much happier for it. Once implemented and acted upon, rainy days could soon be the fun days of the week.